MAY NEUROTIP: THE 3 C'S OF SAFETY
It's very pop psychology these days to talk about safety in our bodies - but how can we actually help our nervous system detect safety, especially when we have a history of trauma? Deb Dana, an expert on Polyvagal Theory, talks about 3 things that can help us access more safety.
The 3 C's of Safety
Context - Ever get a text from a partner, friend, or boss that says "Hey, we need to talk?" or asking you to meet up? Immediate stomach dropping and mind racing regarding what this conversation is about. Context is just information that helps us understand what is happening. If we know what to expect - we have less fear.
Choice - This one makes the most sense to people when I talk about it. Of course we know that if we are forced to do something it can be traumatic. But our bodies also feel unsafe when we have too many choices. I am regularly complaining about why we need so many different options for deodorant, pet food, coffee - my body gets dysregulated with so many choices!
Connection - People forget about this one sometimes... or maybe connection with people has also been traumatic. We are wired to need connection with other living beings. This doesn't have to be a human. We can connect with nature and pets too! A safe, regulated connection is one of the quickest ways to help our bodies feel safe.
How I Use this With Clients
Naturally Foster the 3 C's
- Context: I give detailed descriptions of the exercises we are doing before we do them and answer questions. I also a very passionate about psychoeducation for this reason - when we understand what is happening we feel less broken.
- Choice: Choice can be simple - like do I want to do Brainspotting today? My clients also get to make choices without realizing: where to sit, how they want the lighting, smells they'd like during session, coffee or water. Choice is woven in.
- Connection: This is natural in therapy. But it's important for me to make sure I am regulated. If I am stressed, exhausted, burnt out - my clients may not know why but they will feel less safe.
TRY IT OUT!
The next time you are feeling scared, anxious, overwhelmed, shutdown, etc.
- Take a moment and observe your body and environment.
- Are you missing Context? Choice? Connection?
- Try to increase which one you may be missing: leave if you need to, cancel plans, ask questions, find a human you like.
- Check back in with your body - do you feel more regulated?
If you know you are going into a stressful situation:
- Choice: How can I offer myself choice before, during or after? Example: Having your own car so you can leave if you want?
- Context: What research/info might help me ahead of time to feel better? Example: Looking at a restaurant menu before you go out with friends.
- Connection: Who can I reach out to before and after? Can I take someone with me? Example: If you are going somewhere new - texting friends to see if anyone else is going or wants to go with you.
These exercises are not about making our fear or stress go away - but about being with our body during our fear and supporting it.
